


The Shitty, No Good, Horrible Tales of the Marduk Crew (and their Not-Mom)

by fiveswantsahug



Series: The Adventures of the Marduk Crew Plus One [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Flash - all media types, Justice League - All Media Types, Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol and Smoking, LGBT Characters and themes, Language, OC centric, Tags will be added, Typical Fandom Violence, a lot of foul language, lots of platonic love, new families
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:23:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13510059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveswantsahug/pseuds/fiveswantsahug
Summary: The Marduk Crew lived on another planet in a different universe in a shitty lifetime. Until that all went to hell. Now they live on planet Earth filled with superheroes and a chance to use their powers for good. Join the crew as they go through a series of shitty, no good, horrible adventurers and find family (most notably their Not-Mom) in the people they meet.Also, there's a penguin. Fuck the penguin. The fucking goddamn penguin.





	1. Prologue

Uriel Ayanami Church was born on a planet destined to die a terrible death. In the end, the end of the world came about in a slightly more unexpected way. Uriel himself fucking murdered everyone, shit was crazy. Anyways, through the power of six gay teenagers, the end of the world was brought about in the form of a choice. To join a unified soul and have no pain, no suffering, no needs, but no individuality and no free will. Or to be reborn into a new universe, one much different than the one they all knew. One where superheroes would save the people and they could still be themselves. Uriel himself, naturally chose the second option, as he didn’t want to become a giant space blob with no emotion. As one does. The other five chose similarly.

Those other five were Ruby Langley Pines, Olive Langley Pines, William Langley Pines, Lazarus Lux, and Melody Singh. Ruby and Olive were twins gifted with the power of superspeed, their half brother William had inherited their mother’s abilities to see the future, and to read minds. Lazarus, also known as Laz, had the power to control water and was nearly indestructible. You better believe he had constant references to waterbenders in ATLA. Mels was basically a psychopath jack of all trades and super fucking badass. Super strength, and time manipulation were her specialities. She could and would kick some ass if need be. Super fucking badass. And of course the aforementioned Uriel was super fucking overpowered but in a great way. His ability to manipulate the universe as he see fit came with a great cost, however. He lost control over himself and hurt the ones closest to him. Also, it made him super tired and he’s already got shit to do, who has time to sleep for like 3 days? So he essentially doesn't use these powers, instead sticking to his flight and flexibility. Did I mention that all of these teens were super fucking gay? Cause they are.

There's one more character that should be introduced here. And that is a woman known as Samantha Todd, AKA Nightengale. The Marduk’s wonderful Not-Mom. Sam was Sparrow, Batman’s daughter and Robin’s twin, from the age of thirteen to sixteen. But when Jason died like a little bitch, she had been kidnapped by the League of Shadows in order to raise the little shit known as Damian Wayne. When she came back to Gotham, the twenty-seven year old was immediately assigned to watch over the Marduk Crew. Samantha had never adopted kids faster. Or at all, but she basically raised Damian, so how hard could it be? Very hard was the answer. These little shits had managed to end the world at 13 years old, and now they had to be babysat by her to make sure they didn’t try anything like that again (they totally did) (Sam totally encouraged them). So that is pretty much the situation so far. Six kids destroy a planet, make a new universe, live in it, become superheros, woman gets drafted into making sure they don’t do it again, nearly kills everyone, the usual. Ready to hear the story?


	2. Enter the Marduk Crew

Honestly, the whole thing was a hot mess right off the bat. It started when the Justice League decided to have a meeting about the members of the Young Justice team. Everyone could sense something was off, especially the magic users like Zatanna and Doctor Fate. But the meeting had to be held, considering that a lot of issues had recently happened, like the death of Kid Flash, an alien invasion, the reappearance of two members of the Batfamily and an extra edition. So the Justice League had decided to hold a meeting in the Watchtower to discuss improvements that could be made to the Team. Nightwing watched Batman carefully, he had been making that face for almost an hour, like he was carefully considering something. But what? The other superheroes waited with anticipation for his ideas.

“So, what’cha thinking, B?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t the removal of him as leader. Despite his recent mistakes, he was a fairly good leader. Nightwing was just a dick.

“I’ve been thinking,” Batman said carefully and slowly, like he wasn’t sure if he should be telling Nightwing. “I’ve been thinking of finding a place where Nightingale can manage some kids. Maybe make her a team leader or something of the sort. I think giving her a managing role would help her ease into her new position here.” Nightwing rolled his eyes at the thought of his younger sister. The woman was an alcoholic with an addiction to nicotine and adrenaline. Giving her control over a group of kids seemed like the last thing anyone would want. Don’t think Nightwing hated his sister, quite the opposite. But she wasn’t responsible or kind.

Nightwing voiced these thoughts to the superheroes in front of him. “Why would you want to give her a role like that? Doesn't it seem like bad idea to give kids such an irresponsible role model?”

“BITCH I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU!” Speak of the devil. Nightwing had forgotten that she was invited to the meeting too. Superman winced at the foul language that always seemed so common when Nightingale was around. “Say that shit to my face, you ass,” she snarled.

Batman just sighed and began speaking directly to the table, “I believe that we should allow Nightingale to train and lead our more violent Team members. It will not only give them experience and proper combat training, but it will give the members an area where they are surrounded by children like them. Some proposed members for this team would be L’Gann, Robin, Arsenal, Blue Beetle and possibly Superboy,” Batman glared slightly at Superman when he said the last name. “That will give Superboy the chance to learn how to control his powers in an area where violence and anger aren’t necessarily frowned upon and he would have a proper mentor.”

Nightingale widened her green eyes. “What the fuck? When did I agree to this? I hate to admit it, but Dickwing is right! I drink until I can’t see straight on a daily basis. I would be a fuckin terrible leader!” She argued. No one could be worse for the job. “I wouldn’t trust me with any kids. At all. Ever.”

Suddenly, a bright flash and a loud bang could be heard throughout the Watchtower. All of the supers had jumped into defensive positions, prepared to take these new enemies head on. What they weren’t expecting was six teenagers, ranging from fourteen to sixteen, to lie in a tangled heap in the middle of the room. The kids were wearing what seemed to be body armor, each one seemingly color coded. However, the most disturbing thing about them was their faces, or rather what was on them. They were wearing full face masks, or rather helmets that were, for lack of better words, monsterous, and almost robotic. While each maks had clearly different features, save two identical ones, they all seemed to be part of a set given the same style in each one. It was them that broke the shocked silence.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” The orange one shouted.

“MOVE YOUR FATASS FIRST!” One dressed in red armor yelled back.

A child dressed in green snapped, “BITCH NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU JUST AGREED TO BE A FUCKING SPACE BLOB FOR ALL OF ETERNITY!”

“SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, OLIVE!” responded the smallest one.

“SLUT SHAMING! APHOBIA!” The green one yelled. “WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS?”

Nightingale quickly grew tired of the teens fighting and finally yelled, “SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL OF YOU!”

All of the children had quickly stopped talking, apparently not realizing where they were or the fact that they had an audience. It was then that the smallest one, who had before been calling someone a whore, stood to face the Flash. Then their mask, which honestly no one was sure it was it a mask at this point, turned to a snarl. They pointed a small finger at the Flash and bellowed out, “YOU MOTHERFUCKER! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S BEEN MESSING WITH THE TIMELINES. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT SHIT IS TO CORRECT?! I WASN’T EVEN ABLE TO GET US HERE UNTIL NOW BECAUSE OF YOU!” The Flash was obviously taken aback, not expecting a small child to yell at them, especially about timelines. The rest of the league stiffened and prepared themselves incase a fight broke out.

The two identical children, save their colors, were gone in an instant, only to reappear the next. “Hey Uri,” the red one directed at the smallest, “The ocean is red right?”. The adults in the room were even more confused them before.

“Like, it should be red, and the land shouldn’t be broken up into smaller bits and pieces?” this time the green one spoke. “‘Cause if so, you might want to take a look out the window over there.” The horde of children disappeared once more, only this time some of the heroes had caught on.

“They have super speed?!” exclaimed the Flash in shock. “Or at the very least, one of them does.”

Nightingale grinned, “These fuckers seem like my type of kids. Do you think they’re gay, too?”

“Christ Gale! You can’t just ask someone if they’re gay!”

“Fucking watch me.” The twenty-seven year old marched over to the kids clustered by the window. For a moment, Nightwing actually thought she was going to ask the kids about their sexualities, but she only asked, “Where the fuck did you guys come from?”

“Well,” The pink one, who had a british accent, said, “technically we come from another planet in another universe. Then we created this universe so... huh…. I guess that makes us your gods. Bow to us, you plebeians!” The girl had announced frighteningly cheerful.

Nightwing snorted in disbelief and Nightingale smiled. “I really like you fuckers.”

Then the tallest one of the children stepped forward. “If you don’t mind me asking,” he paused for a moment, carefully considering his words, “What planet is below us, and who are you?”

This time, it was Batman who answered. “Planet Earth and we are the Justice League-”

“What the fuck kinda name is that?” the one dressed in orange snorted, interrupting Batman quite rudely. “Seriously, Justice League? That sounds like the name of a shitty kids’ show. Do you have a super secret tree house where you host meetings?” The boy brought his hand over his mouth sarcastically. “GASP! do you face off against the League of Evil too?” The orange clad boy was smacked in the back of the head by the tallest one for his comments.

The tall one agrily whispered, “You know what’s a good idea? Not pissing off the people who fight villains on a daily basis! Do you want me to sick the penguin on you?”

Nightingale cackled at the orange boy’s comments, “Bitch, you’re really fuckin close.” Batman growled, not pleased with the teenagers, his daughter, or the situation whatsoever. Many of the other League members wisely stood back, still remaining on the defensive, just in case.

“I think that we should all just sit down and introduce ourselves. And then we can go from there,” Nightwing proposed, already heading back towards the large table. The league members followed him, and when Nightingale lifted her eyebrows at the kids, they followed as well.

Once they were all sat down the smallest one spoke first. “I’m the prototype child, Uriel Ayanami Church, leader of the beta team.” As he said this, the other children around him seemed to take it as their queue to introduce themselves.

“And I,” the orange one began, his mask’s one eye looking warily at the tall one, “am the first child, William Langley Pines. But you can call me Will.” He quickly sat down after his statement, holding the back of his head as if was about to get slapped again.

The next one that spoke was the pink one, her mask’s many eyes glancing around the room before loudly announcing, “I am the second child, the first real Marduk child, seeing as the first two were test types for the amazing me.” Her voice was rather proud, but there seemed to be a hint of a joke hidden within it as Will and Uriel glared at her. “Oh, right. My name is Melody Singh, you can call me Mels, but call me Dee and you’re dead.” She sat back down and glanced over to the green clad girl.

“I’m the third child, Olive Langley Pines. Yes, Will is my brother, but we’re only half-siblings so no, I’m not responsible for him.” The girl in green, now known as Olive had said rather annoyed.

Nightingale smirked and told her, “I know the feeling, kid.” She was quickly hushed by Nightwing, who was more concerned about the kids than his sister’s commentary. Nightingale quickly flipped him off before turning back to the children

The next one to stand up was the girl identical to Olive dressed in red. “I’m the fourth child, Ruby Langley Pines, and yes, Oli is my twin.” She was rather cheerful compared to her sister, and less obnoxious than her brother.

“Rube, Oli, you didn’t say your full names,” teased Will, his mask now bearing a shit eating grin. “The rest of us had to, you should too.” In a blur of movement, Olive was on top of Will holding him down as she threw her fist at his face. The two struggled on the ground as the each threw and dodged kicks and punches before the Flash managed to pull Olive off of Will.

“Piss off, you piece of human garbage!” Olive spat out through gritted teeth, Will still seemingly amused while lying on the ground.

Superman spoke for the first time since the kids had appeared, “It would be helpful to know full names, not just nicknames.” He was clearly trying to quell the argument but didn’t want to get involved.

Nightingale didn’t have such reservations. “What’s your fucking name, you little shit,” she directed towards Ruby.

Ruby mumbled something under her breath that even those with super hearing couldn't catch.

“A little louder, please” Nightingale requested, clearly amused at the others embarrassment.

“Rubella. My full name is Rubella,” Ruby managed to choke out.

“...Like...Like the disease? You’ve gotta be kidding me, no fuckin way!” Nightingale laughed. Clearly, she was the only one who wanted to talk to the kids.

“Fuck right off, at least I’m not named after the order of fuckin birds, the way you and your borther are. I heard you talking, I know!” Ruby snapped back irritatedly, and even her own team seemed concerned. Nightingale just shrugged at the accusations, before motioning at Olive.

“My name’s just Olivia, I don't know what you want from me.” She said with a shrug.

Nightingale smirked quickly at Nightwing. “It’s okay to have bad names. Fuckwing over here, his name is Dick.” Batman quickly glared at her but she continued, “Oh, don’t give me that look. They aren’t gonna find out our secret identities over the work dick.”

The children seem confused “Isn’t that a swear in human English?” asked the tall one, clearly not comprehending why someone would name a child that.

“Hell yea-”

“Nightingale, please let them finish introducing themselves,” Superman ordered the woman. He then pointedly looked at the tallest one, the only one to have not given out his name.

“I’m the fifth child, Lazarus Lux,” he said with an waried sigh. “I’m the leader of the alpha team, and I do apologize for their behavior.” Laz continued to glare at Will who just shrugged it off.

Finally Wonder Woman spoke, after being silent the entirety of the meeting. “You mentioned an alien planet and different universe, would you like to clarify what you meant by that?”

Looking rather exhausted, Uriel spoke, “Well the abridged version is that we come from another universe, and in that universe we lived on the planet The Red Sea of Eden. All of us were used in the Marduk experiments to create bio weapons, and in order to escape a cruel life, and an even crueler fate, we had to sorta,” He paused, looking for the right words to say. “We had to rewrite the universe, which ended up getting us here.” They all looked rather downtrodden for a moment before Uriel’s head snapped up. “AND YOU,” he pointed at the Flash, “YOUR MEDDLING IN TIME AND SPACE MADE IT SO MUCH HARDER TO GET HERE! I HAD TO UNDO YOUR MISTAKES AND NAVIGATE THROUGH THE MANY ALTERNATE UNIVERSES YOU CREATED! YOU GANGLY BITCH!” The Flash seemed honestly wounded by being accused of such things.

“I fucking told you,” Nightingale muttered to the Flash before winking mischievously at the kids.

“Oh my god, the penguin,” gasped Laz suddenly. He looked around the room panicked, and looked straight at Uriel. “You can get him back, right?” he asked clearly distressed at the lack of, well, penguin?

Uriel scrunched up his face in disgust, before nodding.“Yeah, yeah, I can get the demon penguin back. But you owe me,” he sighed before removing his mask. Blue hair tumbled forward to his chin of his androgynous face and orange eyes lit up as his body lifted from the ground.  


“What the fuck?” Nightingale muttered. “M’gann would be fuckin jealous. Dick, did you see that? That’s really fuckin cool.” She pulled on Nightwing’s arm like an excited five year old in a candy store. As soon as she said that, an inky black portal opened about three feet from the ground. Inside, black tendrils twisted and wreathed before spitting out a Macaroni penguin, that had a collar on it saying: PenPen.

“Fucking rad, holy shit!” The twenty-seven year old exclaimed. The bird squawked as the portal disappeared and Uriel landed back on the ground. The twins, who had observed the whole event rather passively now vibrated with excitement. In a flash, their helmets now on the ground and the two girls huddled around the penguin playing with it. It became apparent that their armour reflected their physical appearance as they were identical except for their hair color. Ruby’s being red, and Olive’s being Blonde.

“Whad’ya know, I guess the armor was pretty fucking accurate,” Nightingale said clearly amused. The alpha team followed suite with the beta team and removed their helmets, revealing the faces of the children beneath. Laz’s white hair glimmered, and Mel’s fuschia hair popped against her dark skin. Will’s violet eyes clashed with his streak of blonde in his dark hair. All of them staring at the penguin, some more happy with its arrival than others.

“The real question here is: what are you hoping for here?” Batman finally asked the question that had been weighing down on the League members' minds.

Uriel shrugged, not really knowing the answer to that.

“It’s clear that you are all powerful, but you’re untrained to be anything other than weapons. We were discussing building another team, led by Nightingale.” The woman in question protested something, but Batman continued, “And it would make more sense for you six to be a team together under her leadership than to separate our current team.”

“Do we get a say in this?” Will asked, not pleased about having to go through training again.

Nightingale scoffed, “Better question, do I get a say?” Her protests went unheard, however.

“It is a good opportunity, and we could be heroes! Plus, we already work as a team. We would just have a new purpose.” Ruby turned to her Crew, waiting for their feedback. Wordlessly, they all nodded, agreeing to work as a new team.

The Dark Knight nodded, before saying, “Welcome to your new team-”

“Marduk,” Laz interuppted. “We are the Marduk Crew.”

“Welcome, Marduk Crew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a hella fast update. After this, expect updates weekly.  
> Thanks for reading! Criticism and tips are always welcome!  
> -fiveswantsahug and their violent violet haired friend :)


	3. Drunk Mom Asks: Who Let Teenagers Live In A Base With No Adults?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, you get a bit of backstory and some jokes, but not much happens here. Next chapter should have some plot to it, but it all depends.

A month later, one could find the Marduk crew lounging in their new base. Because of their confusion with Earth and its customs, Batman had barred them to the base, despite the twins protests of being cooped up and bringing up that being in a dark cave “won’t help them learn about Earth”. Only Nightingale visited regularly.

The six kids and Nightingale were seated in the living room, all in giant red chairs. “Can you OD on noodles cause I think I might,” she had muttered. That day, she had brought chinese food for the kids to try.

“You do realize that we had forms of noodles on our planet, right? Like making grain into oblong foods is a basic skill almost all civilizations learn,” Mels said, slurping down some more Lo Mein noodles. “I wasn’t expecting Earth to have such good food; however, this combination of foods greatly exceeds my expectations.”

Ruby, who had been eating every available food item, nodded in agreement as she too stuffed her face with more food. “So why do you have so many cultures on your planet, because earlier you said this was Chinese food, but yesterday you brought us noodles that you said were Italian.”

Nightingale paused for a moment in thought before explaining, “Well, Earth is broken up into different land masses right? Well because they’re broken, different cultures developed ‘cause they were fucking isolated, I guess. And then from there, more and more things stemmed out, creating a whole crapton of diversity. I don’t really know, cultural studies weren’t my thing.” After she finished, she took another bite of noodles and spoke again, “You don’t really talk about your planet, was it pretty diverse there too?”

“Oh yeah, tons of genetic diversity,” said Laz, looking up from a medical book he had been reading on the overstuffed couch. “But culturally, we were kind of-” he floundered for the right word, “-divided? It’s sorta like a fifty-fifty split between the people who want to stay connected to their Earth roots and people who want to stay connected to their Celestain roots.” His explanation ended on an uncertain note, before he shrugged and turned back to his book.

Nightingale raised a brow, and ran her hands through her black hair. “Huh. Wait- Earth roots? Back up a minute.” 

“Oh, right you don't know about any of that stuff,” said Ruby with an exasperated sigh. Her red ponytails jiggled as she shook her head. “Red Sea of Eden was a colony planet for the Celestian Empire, any Cherub- a half breed between a Celestian and a human- was sent to live on the planet. Essentially, it was an exile for the unwanted.” She looked almost forlong after speaking, looking at her shoes to hide her face.

Nightingale looked outraged for a second, her face contorted in disgust. “So what, they sent you to a planet just because of your heritage? Because of who you are? That ridiculous! No one can control that shit! I can't believe that they would-” she seemed to run out of breath for a moment and looked around the room at the children's confused faces. “Just know that on _this_ planet, you belong, no matter what someone says. Even if you are literal illegal aliens.” Nightingale looked solemnly at each of the children, wanting them to understand how serious she was. She sighed again. “As important as this conversation is, we did actually meet here to discuss the living arrangements at the base and what still needs to be done,” she spoke, addressing everyone in the room.

Uriel jumped up out of the red chair he was seated in. “I think we should go on an educational field trip to the outside world!” He announced.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask, since B didn’t bother to tell me jack shit, where exactly _is_ Marduk Base? Because I zetaed here and Batman hasn’t told me where the hell I am. So could you?” questioned Nightingale, completely ignoring the blue haired boy. Uriel huffed and slumped back down into his seat. 

”You mean to tell me,” Will started, with a shit eating grin. “That you, our supposed den mother and trainer, don’t even know where we live? What the fuck?” He threw his head back and cackled, as did Mels and Ruby. Nightingale opened her mouth to make some sort of protest.

“Well,” Olive interrupted, “I did some snooping from the security camera feed and from what I can tell, the base was built in an underground cave beneath a small island. But the more interesting fact is that the cave is so big, it seems to have an ecosystem of underground trees and wildlife because of the sun coming in through some parts of the surface.” When she finished her explanation, she then added: “And sorry I didn’t talk before now, I was focused on my hand, I think one of the ball joints is stuck.”

Nightingale looked over puzzled, and upon seeing what Olive had gestured to exclaimed, “What the fuck! Since when is your left hand metal?”

Olive turned back to Nightingale. “Ehh, a while now. Ever since _somebody_ -” she turned and glared at Uriel, “-cut it off.”

“Not to mention I lost my right leg too,” Ruby exclaimed, much perkier than her sister. “That fight really cost us-”

Olive tried to stop her. “Hoe, don’t-”

“An arm and a leg” Ruby finished clearly proud of her pun.” All of the children, bar Olive giggled at the pun. The kids laughed for a good three minutes, completely forgetting they were supposed to be having a serious discussion.

“Alright!” Nightingale shouted, clearly exasperated by their lack of focus. “As proud as I am of the joke, we need to get back to the subject of the base. What does the base actually have so far?” 

This time it was Laz who spoke “Well, we have a training area, a kitchen, storage, the basic workings of a lab, and as we can all see: a living space. Will and Mels also managed to rig up so robotic guards, don’t ask me how, I honestly don’t know. And from what I can tell Olive has been doing some snooping with the computers-” 

He was cut off as Olive interjected. “I had good reason! I just wanted to find where all these funds were coming from. Something about Wayne Tech, I didn't go to much further into it.” The last part was admitted almost sheepishly. Nightingale raised an eyebrow, and made a mental note to tell Batman about that.

“So we basically have the beginnings of the base set up with security and living spaces. Laz, Mels, and I have technically moved into some small apartments on the island above, but we haven't been given the damn chance to leave the base yet,” Uriel announced annoyedly.

“Well then,” Nightingale stated, “It seems as though you’ve really been committed to this whole idea. The only other things I can say are, well done and I’m proud of you shits. You fuckers hacked Wayne Enterprises, holy shit. I also think that all of you have earned the right to call me Sam, seeing as I’m supposed to be your den mother or some shit. Really, I’m more of a vodka aunt, but whatever.” She shrugged before grinning.

“Whatever you say Sam,” Uriel replied, not knowing what a vodka aunt exactly was, before continuing, “But I’ve been doing my research on your primitive internet like you suggested, and other than being able to relate to vines and wanting to die with about 90% of millennials and Gen-Z-” Sam outright laughed at that. “-I’ve realized that we really don't know much about this sad planet you call Earth. So, back to my field trip idea. Lets go to the surface and interact with humans!” Uriel finished his speech and the rest of Marduk looked to Sam with hopeful eyes.

“Alright” she conceded, “I suppose you’ve earned it. Now who wants to completely disregard what Batman said, and go outside and get you some clothes and shit!”

The children cheered as she led them to the exit of the base, or well she tried. No one actually knew where it was because they had only used the zeta tubes and they were all new to this whole thing so they got lost for an hour. Eventually though she led them out of the base and the sunlight greeted 6 new alien children for the first time. Sam laughed in delight as she saw the awed looks on the children’s faces. It made her happy to see the kids look like actual kids, instead of mini-adults with the weight of the world on their shoulders. She had enough of that with Damian and Tim.

Elsewhere, in a dark cave below Gotham, Batman sat at his computer overlooking some new files submitted by Nightingale about the new inhabitants of the remote base. As he reviewed the last two files, something caught his eye. “This is unexpected,” he muttered.

Nightwing, who had been seated near Batman looked over confused. “What, find something interesting?” Quickly, he scanned over the file on Batman’s screen. “Hey isn't that their genetic files? What’s wrong?” His concern and confusion showing though his mask.

“Take a look here,” Batman directed, eyes searching for any signs of a discrepancy.

Nightwing did as he was ordered, blue eyes widening when he saw what Batman was talking about. “Now that-” He pointed cautiously at the DNA recognition “-is interesting”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Readers!   
>  So, next chapter may have more plot. You get a shopping trip, a giant ass reveal and maybe some family drama??? Who knows? Not me.  
>  Also, fuck HTML tags.   
>  Comments are appreciated, being an asshole is not.   
>  See you in the next chapter!  
>  fiveswantsahug and their Violet Violent Friend


	4. You'll meet your family in a Flash

Barry Allen was not having a good day. Or a good week, or month, well really this whole year had been stressful. He had several life changing events as of late, starting with the death of his beloved nephew, Wally, who had honestly been more of a son to him than a nephew. And during his and his family’s mourning period, a surprise had come to them, which came in the form of Thaddeus Thawne. It seemed that all of the Allen family’s convincing to switch sides had finally gotten to him, and after much thought he came to join the Flash Family. Not that Thad joining the family was what made his day/month/year bad, but having two surprises: one ex evil clone who wanted to kill his family, one time traveling grandson from the future, kids was...stressful to say the least. So when The Batman himself told him to meet in private, Barry couldn’t help but feel like things might get worse. So that’s how Barry found himself in The Watchtower, a few minutes early for the meeting, stressing over what the one-on-one could possibly be about. Hearing something from the training room, he decided to check it out.

“Alright Mels,” Ruby said joyfully. Barry had been watching the kids fool around in The Watchtower training room for a few minutes now. “When I say go, you put the temporal shift barrier around me, so that time speeds up, and then I run at my top speed and we’ll see if we can open any portals to alternate universes or something.” As soon as Ruby finished that thought, Barry had a sinking feeling in his chest. No responsible adult would let kids try something this dangerous and stupid, meaning it was time to intervene.

Before Barry could open his mouth to protest the kids’ actions, Ruby had already shouted “GO!” and took off. Normally catching up to her wouldn’t be an issue, but the sudden appearance of a turquoise energy field, Mels temporal shift barrier he presumed, had caused him to stop and take in the situation. Ruby was now running faster than he had ever seen her go, she was going faster than Wally had ever run, and she seemed to be speeding up. He then noticed the lightning around her appear more and more frequently, and the energy of the room started to shift, he needed to intervene now if- he didn’t get to finish that thought as he watched Ruby trip over herself and take a superspeed tumble into the matted training room floor. _‘Well,’_ he thought, _‘at least she’s out of harm’s way’._

Barry flashed over to the fallen girl and helped her up. “You need to be more careful with these things, kid,” he scolded. “If you didn't have speed healing or if the floor wasn’t as protective you could’ve seriously hurt yourself.”

As Ruby checked over herself to make sure nothing was broken she said, “Sorry Mr. Flash, we were just having fun, and besides I’ve fallen tons of times, it's just ‘cause of my dumb leg. So I’m used to it.” She finished, clearly not apologetic of her actions.

Then Barry noticed something odd about this whole situation. “Why are you even at The Watchtower in the first place?” He said voicing his concerns. “Only League members are really supposed to be up this far.”

Ruby looked over to Mels, as if wanting help to explain the situation. She started explaining slowly. “Well, the uh, the batguy wanted Oli and I to be here, said he wanted to ask us some questions,” She nervously looked back to Mels who took over for her. 

“Nightingale brought us here, and Ruby wanted me around as moral support,” Mels explained away.

“Yeah,” Ruby interjected, “and that Batguy is really intimidating. He doesn’t even have powers and he’s still one of the most terrifying heroes.”

_‘Well,’_ thought Barry, _‘they have a point.’_ “So that explained why you’re here, but where's your sister?” Barry said,voicing another thought. 

“She said she saw another speedster when we got here and went to go investigate. I think she went toward the kitchen,” Mels replied, looking unsure if that was correct.

_’Another speedster,’_ Barry pondered, _‘Who could- oh no.’_ The only other speedster who would come to The Watchtower would be Bart, and god forbid if Bart found someone to annoy who could match speeds with him, well he’d probably leave with a bruised cheek at the very least. “I don't suppose you know how long ago she left do you?” At this point Barry was more nervous for Bart’s sake than Olives’. 

Ruby thought for a moment before responding, “Like, fifteen minutes ago. Why?” 

Barry sighed and said “I have to go stop your sister from potentially hurting my grandson.” Before flashing off to the kitchen, Ruby in close pursuit.

They found Bart surprisingly intact. Olive and him seemed to be having a pleasant conversation about using superspeed as a method of time travel and universe entering. Finding that Bart wasn't in danger of getting on someone's nerves was more surprising than the fact that both of them seemed to be using college level mathematics and theories to support their discussion. Barry sighed internally, he knew today was gonna be weird. 

“Hey Gramps!” Bart called cheerfully as he caught sight of Barry, then he noticed Ruby standing a few feet behind him. “Oh Olive, is this your sister you were talking about? I like the whole ‘everything matches except for the hair and color scheme’ thing you got going on. I have something similar with my clone.” He continued to ramble as Olive came up to Ruby. She looked back at Bart before saying, “Well it was nice meeting you Impulse, but we have a meeting to get to.” The blonde then took off with her sister in tow. 

_“Crap,”_ Barry thought, he was going to be late for the meeting. He gave a stern look to Bart, who definitely shouldn't've been in The Watchtower, and raced off to get to the meeting room.

He arrived in the room just in time to see Batman give him a BatGlare ™ as he entered, and grabbed a seat as he waited for Batman to introduce the topic. He was, it should be noted, in no way prepared for what was said next. 

“To start this off I’d like to preface this with the fact that I found something interesting when looking at the DNA files sent over from Marduk Base,” Batman stated. “To put it bluntly, congratulations Flash, you’re a father.”

Well fuck. Fatherhood had not come as expected. “Wanna run that by me one more time?” Barry asked, sure he misheard. 

“When I inputted the Langley Pines sister’s DNA into our database, a paternal match came up, You. Which brings me to another point,” Batman said now turning to face the sisters. “What do you know about all of this” 

Ruby was the first to speak. “Hey this is news to us too, the only thing I knew about my dad is that he's human,” she shrugged her shoulders as Olive continued.

“From what I’ve gathered he’s literally just a genetic sample our mom picked to grow us from, not a person she knew.” All eyes pointed back to Barry once Olive had finished talking. 

Barry looked at the twins, this time really taking in their appearance. They certainly had his eyes, and Olive had gotten his hair color. But more than their appearance it was the way they held themselves: that of young kids wanting to do good in the world, that really got to him. They reminded him of Wally. Fuck. He couldn’t let them live in some base with one alcoholic adult, who despite already having raised a child was still fairly irresponsible, taking care of them, they were family. He had to do something. He turned to the twins, his children, and said as calmly as he could, if only to keep his panic and shock from scaring them, “Why don't you come over to my house tomorrow and we’ll talk about what we want to do?” The Langley Pines nodded, somewhat dumbfounded at the fact that what he had said was not “Leave my sight you half-breed scum” or something along those lines. _“Well,”_ Barry supposed, he had yet another surprise child for Iris, two in fact.

Turgle turgle ~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~ page break or someshit 

Iris had been surprisingly receptive to the news, but then again she had always been open and accepting of many speedster things, including Thad. She had instantly agreed with his plan to invite Ruby and Olive to stay with them. “After all,” she had said jokingly, “We already got two suprise kids, why not two more?” And so preparations were made for the sisters’ arrival, but there remained the simple problem of telling Bart and Thad. 

Barry gathered them in the living room and he had no idea how they would react, but he couldn't _not_ tell them. “Boys,” he stated once they had found their seats, “I have some important news, that's gonna be changing some things around here from now on. Last month, there were, uh, new arrivals on earth and they were sent to be apart of a new team for the league.” Thad and Bart were beginning to look at him curiously, “And there has been a recent discovery that two of these peoples, are well, my alternate children if that makes sense.” By this point Barts eyes were nearly bugged out of his head, apparently being from the future had not prepared him for this.

“What do you mean _alternate children_?” It was Thad who had spoken, looking at Barry cautiously. He didn't look to happy with this information.

“They’re my children, but from an alternate universe.” Barry explained. “They’re very nice girls, in fact, Bart you met them back when you broke into The Watchtower” He watched Barts face look even more freaked out than before.

“So what? I’ve got secret new aunts now? This-” Bart cut himself off, his expression changing from angry to a more excited look as he seemed to pause and think. “This is actually really crash! When can I meet them? Well, meet them again.”

At least it seemed Bart was now on board with all of this, Thad might take a little more convincing. Barry turned back to Bart “They’ll be over in an hour, should everything go well, Iris and I want to invite them to stay with us. The place they live now may not be the… best environment” Barry almost shuddered. Leaving two speedster kids with Nightingale of all people would probably end in disaster. Not that Barry held anything against the woman, but she was drunk about eighty percent of the time, and not the best with children. Look how Robin turned out. Besides that, he had already seen what nearly happened with Ruby and Mels when they were left without supervision for 20 minutes, so yeah, bad idea.

Now that he had the explanation done with, he needed to focus. Ruby and Olive would be arriving soon and seeing as there would be a sudden increase in speedsters, he would need a lot of food. Running to the store, Barry picked up as many bags of Cheesy Poofs and those nasty fried onion rings Iris liked. He also grabbed some sweet foods, not knowing exactly what the girls would like. In a flash, he sprinted back to his house and literally threw the food onto the table, just as the girls knocked on the door. 

When he opened it up he was greeted with the sight of the two of them in civies. Come to think of it, he had never actually seen them out of uniform. “Where did you get the clothes?”

“Educational field trip to the mall,” Ruby responded happily. Her usual high pigtails were now pulled down low, and her uniform replaced with a pink striped shirt and yellow pants. Well, he could see who had the spunky sense of fashion of the two. Olive one the other hand had completely foregone her ponytail and instead had a black lightning bolt headband. Her black skirt went over her green shirt with suspenders, which had lightning bolts on the end as well. 

_‘That’s a little obvious’_ thought Barry as he looked at the two. _‘But then again Bart’s entire existence is obvious’_. The most eye catching thing about Olive however was her right arm. It was metal, a prosthetic, but looked hightly advanced. He tore his eyes away from it and instead said, “Why don't you two come on in and I’ll introduce you to my family, and I promise I won’t tell about your field trip.” He smiled as the two bounded, in clearly excited about the whole event. Iris was near the door, and as she approached the girls, her smile widened. They were, without a doubt, related to Barry.

“Hello! I’m Iris, Barry’s wife, and I’m so glad you came over!” Iris greeted. “So I take it that you’re Ruby,” she said, pointing at the redhead. “And you’re Olive.” she then pointed at the blonde. Both the twins smiled even wider.

“I guess you caught on to the naming scheme then,” Ruby said with a laugh. 

Barry then led them to Bart and Thad, who had been looking cautiously at the girls throughout the whole ordeal. “These are my grandsons from an alternate future- yes it’s confusing and complicated.” Barry’s comments made Thad huff. 

“ _He’s_ from an alternate future, I’m from this timeline. Sorta.” Thad was clearly quite adamant about the fact that he was not to be associated with Bart, that much was obvious. 

“Oh you can ignore Thad,” Bart said pushing the aforementioned blond aside. “I’m Bart, the _original_ grandson. He’s just a clone. We met before at The Watchtower” Bart shook hands with both the sisters before turning back to Barry. “You bought Chicken Wheezies, right Gramps?” The hopefulness was apparent in Bart's voice. 

“Boi, why the fuck would want those nasty chicken monstrosities?” Olive challenged Bart at the mention of the snack food. Thad seemed to agree with her on the topic.

“I bought Cheesy Poofs instead, all the Chicken Wheezies were sold out,” Barry lied. Even he had to admit they were a little gross, okay, a lot gross. 

“Cheesy Poofs are better anyway” Ruby added, “I mean why would you want snack food to taste like chicken? Go with a simpler flavor like nacho blasted cheese.” Ahh the joys of parenting, Barry didn’t know if he could handle an increase in an already higher than normal amount of arguments over snack foods.”

“But what about the other guy?” Olive’s question had made everyone in the room turn to her in confusion. “You said you’d introduce us to your family right? What about the red headed guy you have a ton of pictures of?” she pointed to a picture sitting on the mantel. In its frame held a photo of a young Wally being held by Iris and Barry. The question, while innocent enough, had caused all of the Allen family to pause. Iris had to take a deep breath to avoid crying and Bart looked down in pain. 

“That’s Wally, he was my nephew and one of the greatest people I ever knew. He was a lot like the two of you, in fact, I think he would approve you two being here.” As Barry spoke he couldn't help feel the pang of sadness in his chest. He lost a lot that day, but that shouldn’t ruin what he's building now. Ruby and Olive seemed to understand that they shouldn't ask any further about it and nodded with what he said. “But let’s not dwell on the past, as memorable as it may be. We have something to ask the two of you,” Barry said regaining the confidence and composure in his words. 

“We want to know if you want to stay here with us, as your family. I don’t know how much you like the base you’re living in but you could have a home here. Even if you say no, you’re always welcome to come by and stay whenever.” As Iris said these words, the twins eyes lit up in excitement. 

“You mean” Ruby started.

“We could stay here with you?” Olive butted in. Both of them were vibrating with excitement. 

“Only if you want of course-” Barry was cut off as the sisters launched themselves at him and hugged him tight. Once they let go, it was Iris’s turn to be pulled into a hug. She hugged back just as tight. At the end of the day Barry decided that maybe this year could get better, he now had four surprise children, a pile of snack food, and a huge family to share it with. What more could you want?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK VVF. SHE SPRUNG THE WALLY SHIT ON ME WHILE WE WERE WRITING AND I CANT DEAL.   
> But I also gave family stuff and dramatic shit, so yay. Next chapter should be the shopping/'educational field trip' but idk.  
> -fiveswantsahug and their VVF


	5. Local Gotham Hero Goes Out On A Babysitting Kick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is the mall chapter, which happened slightly before the previous chapter. Have fun reading :)

Apparently, taking six teenagers who had no idea how to act in public on Earth is a _terrible_ idea. Sam realized this about an hour into their mall trip. “Guys! Seriously, we can’t buy everything in Target. Most of it is shit anyways.” A suburban mom with a set of twins glared at Sam, and walked away with her nose turned up. 

“You say that but I’m convinced these pastel dinosaur sunglasses are the pinnacle of human existence,” replied Uriel currently trying on said sunglasses.

A dark hand reached across and snatched the glasses off of Uriel’s face. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” said Mels, “Give me those.” She placed the pastel frames on her own face and stuck a pose. “How do I look?”

“Like a blind archaeologist decided to get some new thread wear,” Sam snapped before placing the sunglasses back on the rack. Her day was already going badly enough, she didn’t need more torture. When Olive started to walk out of Target, bringing her siblings and Laz along, the older woman could have slumped in relief. But she didn’t. Maybe a little. “What I wouldn’t do for a fucking drink,” she grumbled.

Unfortunately for Samantha, the six teens did not calm down outside of Target. In fact, they seemed to get even more energetic. The twins were practically vibrating. They probably were, them being speedsters. Sam then noticed as they walked out, sadly too late that Uriel had managed to snatch the glasses anyways and was wearing them in the parking lot. She also noticed, unfortunately, exactly _what_ Olive was wearing. “Olive, is that a Green Lantern shirt? What the actual fuck?” Sam was most certainly not happy with the blonde's choice of clothing. “Where did you even get that?” she question, just realizing that she hadn’t been wearing it a few minutes ago. 

“I speed off to a clothing store a few miles away because I didn't like any of the clothes at Target,” Olive explained as if it was the most casual thing in the world. “And I’m wearing a Green Lantern shirt because no one would ever suspect someone with superspeed to have Green Lantern paraphernalia. They’d expect lightening bolts, and lots of yellow.” Olive threw a look to her sister as she mentioned the last part, and Ruby huffed back.

“Creative,” Mels said as she walked past. “Not necessarily smart, but creative no the less.” 

“Oh for fuck’s sake, I was going to take you all to a clothes store down the street!”

Olive just shrugged and started walking to the car.

“Given that you regularly just wear a T-shirt and jeans half the time, I don’t trust your opinion of what a good clothing store would be,” Will replied, his usual shit eating grin painfully apparent on his face.

“You’ve been on Earth for less than a month, how the fuck do you know about fashion?” Sam protested, highly aware that he was right. She couldn’t tell him that though. It would only feed his ego.

“We have access to the internet,” Laz reminded as he too got in the car. He was already tall enough that his head was almost to the ceiling. If he kept growing, by the time he was an adult he would tower over even Superman. And as tall as Sam herself was, in all her five foot eleven glory, even she had to admit that would be impressive.

Uriel, on the other hand, was extremely small compared to everyone else, Sam noted not without amusement. It was like comparing Damian to Jason. Laughing slightly to herself, Sam climbed into the front seat. Starting the car, she turned to the kids. “Where do you guys want to go now?” Choruses of “Food!” filled the van, and Sam nodded in agreement. She shot a quick text off and started driving towards the nearest deli.

It took a good thirty minutes of arguing and shouting and two near crashes, but the seven finally made it to the deli. God, she hoped this food was worth the hassle of just dealing with the kids in the car alone. They all spilled out of the van, a little too literally in Mels’ and Ruby’s case. The moment they went inside, however; Sam knew she made a mistake. Her eyes immediately shot to the woman in the back with bright turquoise hair, sitting with a young boy no older than five. ‘Oh fuck,’ was her immediate thought. The woman in the back smirked when she saw Sam. The bright haired woman whispered something into the little boy’s ear. The dark skinned boy’s face lit up and he sprinted towards Sam. “Holy shit, is that a fucking gremlin?” Uriel shouted. Sam shot a glare at the teen.

“Language!” She snapped.

“Whatever, just no one feed that fucking thing after midnight” Uriel just put his hands up defensively and turned back to ordering his sub with as much meat as possible. Olive and Mels hid their smiles behind their hands, while Laz sighed in disappointment, although clearly amused. Ruby and Will were roaring with laughter. The woman in the back smiled. Sam leaned down and softly told the boy something. With a frown, he turned and went back to the woman. She too frowned, but started moving to leave. When the pair made it to the door, the woman turned and glared at Sam. Sam smiled nervously and waved goodbye.

“So are we going to ignore what just happened?” Will questioned the crew as they watched the whole thing go down.

“Just leave it. If Sam wanted us to know, then we’d know,” Laz, ever the voice of reason, said. The other crew members nodded in agreement and collected their sandwiches.

Will wasn’t done yet apparently, because he immediately voiced, “Yeah, but clearly they knew each other. Maybe that woman was part of a spy organization they both worked for, or she’s secretly Sam’s wife who lives in this part of town, or she could be another superhero the League doesn’t want interacting with us.” 

“She was wearing enough black to be a spy,” Mels said, laughing slightly. “Who knows, maybe your- BLOODY HELL LAZ, DID YOU JUST UNHINGE YOUR JAW TO FIT THAT SANDWICH IN YOUR MOUTH?” Mels cut herself off in astonishment, her accent thicker due to the shock.

“I don’t need judgement from you, Miss ‘I-don’t-eat-fish-because-I have-gills-like-them-and-it-feels-like-a-violation-of-trust’,” Laz snapped, shoving more of the sandwich into his mouth.

Sam finally returned to the table with a bag of chips and a soda. “Old college friend. I used to watch her son,” was the first thing she said. Will opened his mouth to object to that obviously false statement, but Olive kicked him from under the table. They all finished their food in a semi-awkward silence, Sam wincing every time her phone buzzed. Each one of the children desperately wanted to ask about the woman, but they had enough respect for Sam to not question it. 

Olive looked to Sam after she had finished her meal, “After this, can we head to the bookstore? There are literally no books in the cave besides the boring medical journals Laz always reads-”

“They aren’t boring!” Laz protested. The other five kids; on the other hand, nodded furiously, agreeing with Olive. Sam chuckled slightly, and told them that they had time for the trip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the trip to the bookstore, Sam received a very important call from one very important bat.

“Before you say anything-” Sam’s faced twisted into a scowl. “They’re kids, you can’t possibly expect me to keep them inside every fucking day!” Irritated growling came through the phone’s speaker. “No! I just- Stop interrupting me, asshole! I am their leader, not you, so you can shut the fuck up and take a fucking step back. You aren’t in charge here, B.” If at all possible, she twisted her features into a deeper snarl. “Enough. I am taking the kids out and you and I can argue about this later.” She quickly hung up and turned to the eavesdropping kids. “I know you’re listening,” she called out. Sheepishly, the six teens walked out from behind the bookshelf.

“In our defense,” Ruby countered rather quickly, “you were talking very loud and itsnotourfualtpleasedontgetmadwedontwanttocuaseyoutogetintrouble.” Her words sheepishly blurred together as she tried to give an explanation. 

Sam sighed at the kids actions, _‘Well,’_ she thought as she looked at each of the crew, _‘it's not like i was any different as a kid’_. “You know I can’t understand you when you speed talk, Ruby, but I’m not mad at any of you for listening.”

The kids practically slumped with relief. “Does this mean we have to go back though?” 

Sam smirked, “I have never listened to Batman before, and I don’t plan on starting quite yet. Go buy your shit and we can go get some furniture and shit real quick. We do have to get back by eleven though, I have patrol.” 

The kids happily ran off in different directions, each creating their own form of chaos as they went. For anyone else, it would’ve been a rather disturbing sight, but for Sam, it made a warm feeling rise up in her chest. At the end of the day, the kids had bags of stuff, ranging from the lighting bolt suspenders in Olives bag, to the clockwork art pieces in Mels’. It was as they were coming into the base and each kid took their new things to their rooms, or prepared to have their stuff taken to their apartments, that Sam noticed a strange objects sticking out of Laz’s bag.

“Whatcha got there, Lazzy?” Sam asked, nudging the tall boy as he walked passed, he pulled a frown at the nickname but answered anyways.

“Oh, well, I saw this hat and I thought Uri might like it.” As Laz spoke, he pulled out a purple, yellow and blue hat. Upon the top of said hat sat cat ears, and sewn in star patches. “He really likes pastel stuff and stars, and he looks kind of like a cat, so I figured…”

Sam laughed at Laz’s obvious embarrassment as he trailed off. “Remind me to tell you about the time I bought my ex girlfriend a set of paints even though she told me she _hated_ art.”

Laz seemed to get more embarrassed at what she was implying and quickly walked off to get his things ready to be moved, grumbling about ‘human adults’ as he did so. Sam only laughed and walked off, needing to get back to Gotham to deal with patrol and an angry bat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lighthearted chapter full of fun and new characters... Also, if you are uncomfortable with LGBTQA+ themes, then this is not the story for you. Until the next chapter!  
> fiveswantsahug and their Violent Violet-Haired Friend


	6. Marduk Meets The Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Motherfucking Ben Affleck Jesus Christ fuck dude Motherfucking Justice League movie bullshit jesus can you fucking believe this shit. God damn creative Justice League and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking Superman god damn rowing the boat fuck your shit I can't even fucking believe this shit are you seeing this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Ben Affleck man. Mother fucking Robin Robin you put in the time fuck put in the time mother fucking built shit with his bare hands mother fucking best friend shit Ben affleck. I'm very tired. No man I'll just talk about the Justice League all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Justice League fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Ben Affleck man he fucked over Robin crazy Superman rowing Clark Kent or did the article fuck this guy who invented Justice League I don't like die I can't think of who the fuck invented Justice League all I can think of is the guy who played the guy who invented Justice League who the fuck invented Justice League. BATMAN

“We have another field trip!” Sam announced, completely un-energetically. The six teens looked up to see Sam wearing her Nightingale outfit, which was new to them. She only ever wore jeans and a T-shirt around the Marduk Crew.

Olive, with a hand in a bag of Cheesy Poofs, was clearly confused. “Why the sudden change of clothes and attitude?” She asked. Sam shot her an unamused look and didn’t answer.

“I swear to fuck,” Sam threatened.

“You swear? You shouldn’t, its bad,” said Will, with his usual shit eating grin. Sam threw a knife at his head.

“I don’t have time for this, and neither do any of you. Get your fucking armor on and let’s go.”

“I don't understand,” Laz cut in, as he and the rest of the crew started to get dressed. “You want us to go where exactly?” 

Sam growled. “Fuckin’ Mount Justice bullshit with the baby Justice League because Dick can’t get a fucking babysitter for the brats.” Sam shoved her hand through her much shorter hair in exasperation.

“Whatever happened to no swearing?” Uriel asked cheekily.

“Shut your fuck hole, Uriel,” She snapped. All the kids knew that she was serious because she would never snap at any of them unless it was a joke. As they continued to suit up she cut in, “And don't use your creepy masks helmet things, set them to be domino masks or something. We don't need to scare the brats anymore then you already will.” It was clear Sam was stressed, and the Crew didn't want to upset her any more than they already had so they followed without complaint. She had already started smoking her first cigarette of the day, and she knew that there was at least one bottle of whiskey in Dick’s office. Sam could make it, she could. The Crew finally got themselves in order, when Sam activated the Zeta Tubes and one by one, the kids filed through silently.

“M-00, Er-riel.”

“M-01, William.”

“M-02, Melody.”

“M-03, Olivia.”

“M-04, Rubella.”

“M-05, Lazarus.”

“N-09, Nightingale.”

“Whomever the fuck programmed this computer’s voice did not take pronunciation into account. How many times do I have to tell people it’s ‘U-ri-el’, not ‘Er-riel’. This is getting old!” The blue haired boy ranted as they appeared inside of Mount Justice.

“Language!” Except this time, it wasn’t Nightingale’s strict voice, it was a deeper male’s voice. A very quiet ‘fuck off’ was voiced from Nightingale, but only the Marduk Crew could hear it.

“Excusez-moi, monsieur, but do you happen to know what happening? Because I can assure you that we don’t,” Laz said as he threw a look in Nightingale’s direction at the last part. Nightingale glared back.

Nightwing frowned at the smoke curling up from Nightingale’s mouth, but didn’t say anything. He could yell at her later. “I have to go now, and I’m trusting _you_ to take care of the team. Don’t let them get hurt too badly.” Pausing, Nightwing glared at the woman before continuing. “Normally I would say don’t let them get hurt at all but knowing you, that just won’t happen.”

“You just remember who raised the demon brat and who’s in a committed relationship right now,” Nightingale retorted, taking another long drag from her cigarette.

Nightwing made his way out. As he did he stopped in front of Mels, whispering only so she could hear. “If she goes for the alcohol, I’m trusting you to be able to stop her.” He patted her shoulder and continued on his way, acting as if nothing had even been said in the first place.

The Zeta Tubes came to life and the computer chimes out a cheerful, “Nightwing, B-01.”

The gathered children stared in apprehension at the newcomers. “So,” started Impulse.

“He was kinda a dick, wasn't he?” Olive finished, clearly proud of herself for the pun. Sam spoke a lot about her brothers, and the amount of dick puns she made could put Flash to shame with his speed puns

Both Robin and Nightingale snorted. “You have no idea,” the woman groaned.

“Are we just going to accept the sudden appearance of another Bat-person and six additional kids?” Questioned Blue Beetle.

“I’ll introduce myself then,” Ruby proudly announced, she then sped over to the team, inspecting each one and shaking their hands as she said, “I’m the glorious Unit 4, you may call me Ruby. And I’m gonna guess you’re The Team, Impulse told me about you.”

Each member of The Team looked shocked at her speed, save for Impulse. Surprisingly enough, Robin was starting to look increasingly worried as he took in the information. He grew even paler as Olive introduced herself similarly.

“And I am the wondrous Unit 3, you may refer to me Olive, but to be honest I would prefer to be called ‘your great and honorable imperial majesty’-”

“Olive!” Laz butted int.

By this point Robin was close to tears as he turned to Nightingale and started to beg, “Please Nightingale, I can’t, I can’t take two more speedsters. I’ve already started to age 10 years because of Impulse alone. I might die at this rate.”

“Robin, you literally go out in a costume at night to beat up bad guys with guns. You can die at literally anytime,” Nightingale grinned, nudging her little brother with her hip.

“Hey! We’re not as bad as Bart!” Ruby pouted at the accusation.

”Yeah, you’re more likely worse,” Will said under his breath, watching his sisters’ expressions shift to anger.

“I’m even more confused,” said Beast Boy, he seemed to be conveying the thoughts of the rest of The Team, and some of the Crew.

“Don’t worry, we’re lost too!” Mels said cheerily, throwing her brown and fuschia hair over her shoulder.

“That’s not comforting,” came the exasperated response from Wonder Girl. 

Tim, from somewhere in the corner, quietly said, “I’m sorry god, please make it stop.”

Nightingale sighed at their antics and started to explain. “Nightwing had something come up, and because of his poor fucking planning, I will be babysitting you today, despite the fact that I am drunk off my fucking ass.”

As Nightingale finished her explanation the Team directed their attention to Marduk. Laz sighed at her half-explanation and stated, “That doesn’t explain who these people are, and why we have to be here with them.” He gestured to the other teens.

“Oh right,” Nightingale said, realizing her drunken mistake. “Team this is the Crew, Crew this is the Team. I still have to watch the Crew so you’ll all be babysat together. Get along and try not to break anything too badly.” She waved off the two teams and left to go get some rest on the couch, leaving the children to themselves.

“Is she really drunk?” Beast Boy asked innocently. Tim and the Marduk Crew sighed in unison and nodded. 

“Honestly, she’s worse than the Red Hood.” Tim shook his head tiredly.

“Ya know,” Uriel said as he stepped forward. “We never actually got any of your names, so an introduction would be great.” The Crew began looking expectantly toward the rest.

Conner looked sternly back at the crew, “You never introduced yourselves either, don’t you also owe us an introduction as well” 

“We asked you first,” butt in Will from the back.

“We asked you second!” accused Beast boy. 

“Enough fighting, we’ll all be introduced,” said someone from the team, tired of the bickering between the groups. 

As they all introduced themselves it became apparent that their may have been a reason The League made sure they didn’t meet. Every introduction was interrupted by a snide comment, or questions, at one point a fight almost broke out between Uriel and Will over whether Beast Boy could be kept as a pet or not. That was an emotionally scarring experience that made Beast Boy question his own humanity. 

“Garfield will not be your pet for goodness’ sake!” M’gann cried. 

“Even his fucking name proves that he should be a pet! Garfield the motherfucking cat!” 

“Language!” Kaldur finally butted in.

Uriel flipped the Atlantean off.

“Way to go, oh great commander of ours!” Ruby said, dramatically posing behind Uriel

“You sure showed him, what a great comeback” Olive continued in the same mocking tone her sister had.

Uriel glared at the twins. “You do realize I can set your training requirements, right? Do you really want to be doing push ups until you throw up for the next week” Ruby and Olive sniggered behind him, knowing he wouldn’t actually do such a thing.

A loud groan came from the sofa, and Nightingale growled, “You _all_ realize that I can control whatever the fuck you do for the next three hours so shut the fuck up!” Kaldur narrowed his eyes at the expletives, but said nothing.

“NG?” Tim slowly walked over to the woman. “Do you need me to call B? Kaldur can watch us and he can probably find someone to watch the others.” Nightingale just smiled and shook her head. 

“Go play with your friends, kid,” she closed her eyes and started to drift off again.

“Well, we were scheduled to have a training session today, it would be good for all of us to train with some new opponents” Kaldur explained. Mels smiled savagely and cracked her knuckles. 

“We are going to kick your fuckin’ ass,” Will said with his trademark smirk, nothing could stop them from winning”

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

As it turns out, a lot could stop them from winning. Such as, Robin’s badassery to Uriel’s laziness, and Will’s cockyness to Wonder Girl’s sweet moves. Honestly, the only ones who won their fights were the twins and Laz. Mels only lost because she miscalculated her own strength and caused herself to fall when she swung her hammer. Her nose started to bleed afterward.

“What was that about kicking ass?” Bart jeered from his place on the sidelines. Ruby was quick to retort. 

“I’m sorry, what? Because where I’m standing, motherfucker, I’m up here and you’re down there, injured! You may be faster than me, but you lack any skill when it comes to using your enemy's strength against them.”

“You have to admit it was pretty funny when you got slammed into the wall several times because of your own speed.” Wonder Girl chimed in./p>

“Maybe from where you were standing,” Bart said slowly, and painfully, rolling himself off the floor.

A woman’s cough cut off all arguing, and Laz and Kaldur stopped sparring.

“As fucking beautiful it is to see the crew get their asses kicked, it’s time for everyone to eat. I hope everyone enjoys pizza because that’s what I got.” Nightingale gestured towards the main living area.

“I’m always a gay slut for food,” Uriel said, getting up off the floor where he had been lying asleep since getting his ass whooped.

“First of all, bitch me too, Secondly, you are always a gay slut,” Mels pushed his shoulder.

The speedsters had already sped off and cheering could be heard from them in the living area, the others followed in suit. As they each arrived they saw exactly what the speedsters, who by this point were devouring half the food, had been cheering about.

“Holy shit, this is a lot of food.” Laz said aghast. Sitting on the tables were boxes of pizza, chinese take out, snack foods, and deserts.

“How do you even get delivery to this place? do they have a superhero discount?” As Will started to question the logistics of buying a truck load of food the other began to sit down and dig in. As they ate the room was filled with friendly chatter, the kids discussing villains, hero stories, and everyday life. Eventually, Bart turned to his new family members and asked them a question.

“So what’s up with your leader? Is he cool?”

“Who, Uriel? Or I guess we’re supposed to call him Commander Church,” Ruby seemed lost in thought for a second before returning her attention to the original question. “ Yeah he’s cool”

“Hey, uuh Church!” Bart called, grabbing Uriel’s attention. “‘Who's your favorite superhero?”

The question had taken Uriel off guard, but he considered it a moment before answering. “Uhh, Matilda!”

“Yeah, he’s cool,” Bart said decidedly, happy with Uriel’s answer

Now that the attention had turned to Uriel, Wonder Girl spoke up, asking him “I’ve actually been meaning to ask. From what I can tell Mels has super strength, the turbo twins over here have super speed, Laz has his water thing, Will has his mind thing, but what do _you_ do Church? All you did during the fight is some gymnastics and fly some.”

All of the Crew seemed uncomfortable at this question, most avoiding eye contact or and fidgeting. Only Uriel himself seemed calm. “I can uhh,” he hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I can control the universe.” At this news the Team stared at him in disbelief and confusion.

“Like everything in the universe? Even reality? Why not just change things to what you want? Or make it so you won the fight against Robin.” Super Boy started to question, though he was cut of by Uriel before he could get any further.

“I mean I could do all that if I wanted, I could even create a new universe if I felt like it. But using my powers has a lot of consequences.” As Uriel finished the Team looked at him waiting for him to explain further. He relented and continued. “If I use my powers then I go kinda….Insane. And my body starts to disintegrate if I don’t uh,” By this point he was looking very uncomfortable. It was clear he didn’t want to say what he had to do.

“You don't have to tell them,” Laz pointed out to Uriel. “It’s not like they _need_ to know” 

Even Nightingale agreed with Laz. “Yeah, you don’t owe them shit.”

“Its fine,” Uriel insisted, although clearly it was _not_ fine. “In order to stop my body from disintegrating, I need something to die. And sometimes thing can get…. Out of control to say the least.” the crew thought back to the whole ‘world destroying, universe creating, hormone fueled mass death’ incident and shivered. “So I don't really like having to use my powers much.” Uriel finished his explanation, the mood of the room had turned somber. No one said a word. Until Robin spoke up.

“At least you have cool powers, I just kind of backflip off of things and hope I don't break my leg. That’s pretty hard to explain away at school. ” As he started talking the mood of the room seemed to lighten.”

“Do you know how many walls I’ve run into? And at super speed? Let me tell you totally _not_ crash.” Bart joined in, gesturing wildly to accentuate his point.

“I still think the best power would be to be able to turn into any animal, I mean, unlimited pets! There's nothing stopping you from turning into a cat and sleeping forever!”

“God dammit Church, we are not having this conversation again.” M'gann glared at the blue haired boy.

In the back of the room Sam smiled as she watched the room once again turn lively with conversations. She was going to get drunk tonight in celebration of a good day. Well, if her wife would let her. So maybe she wouldn’t be getting drunk tonight.

“Nightingale! I left the brownies for you!” Olive called, smiling widely at the woman.

Shaking her head, Nightingale started walking to the table. “If they’re pot brownies, you have to run for three hours straight.”

“Nothing we do is straight.” 

A good day indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn right i stuck a fucking vine in. anywho, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Comment, kudos all are welcome.  
> :)  
> -fiveswantsahug and their violent violet haired friend


	7. "Motherhood is a bitch!" says local lesbian mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahaha meet new people see new things find out new things its a fucking whirlwind

Samantha Felicity Todd-Addams was a simple woman. Well, that’s a lie, she was absolutely not a simple woman. But at the very least, she had some simple wishes in life. One would be to not have Jason, or Dick, or Damian, or Bruce to die- again. Another is simply to leave her small family out of the hectic superhero world. Yet here stood Melody fucking Singh and William Langley goddamn Pines in her doorway, both looking concerned and slightly out of breath. 

“Can-” Mels doubled over, lungs heaving after running up all twelve flights of stairs. “Can we come inside? It’s important.” Will nodded frantically. Still, Sam stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, not budging. 

“You may not come in unless you tell me what you’re here for.” Sam had secrets to hide in here, no way was she letting two antsy teenagers find out about them. 

Will, finally recovered from his sprint up stairs, nearly yelled, “I saw a kid and he’s covered in blood and so is the Red Hood and I knew I had to come here because I think there might possibly be an assassin in your house so can we please come in?” 

“What do you mean you ‘saw’ this?”

“Future sight? Remember? My whole seeing with a third eye thing? Anyways this is kinda important, so... let us in?” Sam had forgotten about that power of Will’s. To be honest, she had never actually seen him use it.

Then Mels spoke up, even more rushed then Will had been. “I just came from a future in which the Red Hood had been hurt pretty badly and left lying on the streets of Gotham. His identity had been revealed, so I traveled back to this time line a few hours before any of that happened. Then Will told me what he saw so I figured you could help us.” 

“Jesus fuck, fine. Come in but do not go anywhere other than the fucking couch or I swear you’ll be doing pushups for a fucking week,” Sam sighed and let the two in, ignoring Will’s cries of, “but I have spaghetti arms!” 

Following her orders, Mels and Will walked right to the large grey couch and sat down. They didn’t notice as Sam pushed a small head of curly brown hair back into a room that it had been peeking out of as she walked past. “So, let’s take things a little slower this time. Will,” She said, looking to the older boy “I want you to explain exactly what you saw, or felt or, however this future premonition thing works. Take it slowly, remember I’m really fu-freaking stupid.”

The sudden change of curse words caught Mels attention, but she chose to say nothing, instead nudging her friend to get him talking. Will began to explain, slower and far more concise than earlier. “So, I had a sudden vision. It started with this apartment, and you were in it. Then I suddenly got a feeling of pain and the Red Hood was all bloody, and his costume was really bad off. He was on the ground and There was this little boy, he felt familiar. Not like the premonition made him feel familiar, but like I had seen him before. And this boy he was covered in blood too, but I didn’t see or sense any injuries other than his nose.” Sam began paling as the story went on. “Finally there was a woman, she felt familiar like the boy did, and she was next to the Red Hood with a knife in her hand and like a scalpel or some shit. That’s all I saw, then Mels came up to me and we left for here.” The older woman began muttering obscenities under breath. 

Suddenly, crash was heard, so was a young scream and another woman yelling: “Goddammit Jason, stay still!”

“Fuck you, woman!”

“Watch your fucking language in front of Parker.” 

“MOOMOO!” 

Quicker than the Flash on 10 cans of Redbull and Monster, Sam leapt up and sprinted for the back room. “Jesus Christ! Parker!” She shouted, sliding over to the small five year old with a nose bleed. By the time Mels and Will arrived into the room, Sam was hugging the little boy while trying to stop his nose from bleeding, and the blue haired woman from Will’s premonition was fishing a bullet out of the Red Hood’s shoulder, all while trading insults with each other.

As the blue haired woman struggled with the Red Hood’s wounds, she called out “Sam, I’m going to need some help over here.”

Sam sighed, and handed the boy, presumably named Parker, a tissue, before pushing him into the arms of Will and whispering “So help me, if I come back to find him hurt worse, or being told about superheroes, I will cut you. Now entertain my son in the living room and don’t let him know too much. And absolutely no cursing!” With that, Sam scampered over to the other woman’s side and began helping her sew up the bullet hole. 

Mels and Will just looked at each other for a moment in pure shock. This was not how they were expecting Will’s premonition to turn out. 

Will carried Parker into the living room as instructed, still somewhat shell shocked by the events that took place in the bedroom. Once he put the kid down, he turned to Mels for help. Despite being an older brother himself, younger children were more her area of expertise.

“So, small human child. Who is Moomoo?” Mels started, awkwardly trying to start some semblance of conversation. 

“I don’ know, it’s wha’ I call my other momma,” Parker explained, his voice muffled by his plugged nose. 

“Huh?” Mels shrugged before continuing, “I always just called both my moms ‘Mom’ and suffered through an endless cycle of ‘not you the other one’. But I guess Moomoo works.”

Parker’s bright brown eyes lit up. “You have two mommies, too! Mommy said that not a lot of people like it when kids have two mommies but you have two mommies so that means you’re cool!"

“What can I say, kid.” Mels beamed. “Two moms just means less dad jokes and twice as many ‘go ask your mother’s.” 

Will shuffled slightly, “I feel left out of this conversation so I’m gonna bond with the kid over wearing way too much orange.”

“You only feel left out because the writers didn’t leave you much dialogue.”

“What.”

“What.”

“Anyways, orange. I like your orange dinosaur shirt, kid.” Will poked Parker’s stomach over the dinosaur, causing the five year old to collapse in a fit of giggles. This then sparked an idea in the oldest boys head. “Wanna see a magic trick?” Will offered Parker somewhat deviously.

As Parker nodded enthusiastically, Mels started to look at him with a mixture of confusion and amusement. “Just what are you planning?” 

Will ignored her comment and kept talking to the small boy. “Have you ever seen those tricks where the magician makes someone float in the air?” Parker nodded enthusiastically, brown eyes lighting up in excitement. “Good,” Will continued. “Now get ready!” And with that, the older boy began to concentrate his powers onto the small child. At first there was a slight purple glow around Parker, then the boy began to lift into the air, his giggles escaping out as he rose higher. 

As Will lifted him further into the air, Mels turned to him and asked “Are you really sure this is a good idea? Not that I think you’ll drop him or anything, but Sam was very specific about him not knowing about superheros.”

Will brushed her comment aside. “Please,” Will replied. “She doesn’t ever have to know. Plus, superpowers and superheroes aren't the same thing.” 

Although as he said that, they all heard a muffled shout from the other room, followed by Sam stepping out. When she saw the scene in front of her, she had a brief look of horror before glaring at Will. “Child. Off the ceiling. Now.” she spat out. The blue haired woman followed in, and shrieked loudly when she saw Parker inches away from the ceiling. 

Will quickly complied with the command, gently letting Parker down to the ground. Mels had a stern ‘I-told-you-so’ look on her face while Will started to look sheepishly at the floor. Sam clearly wasn’t happy with either of them, she sighed, looked at both teens, then said, “Go back home for now, I’ll explain more in the morning.” Then she looked them both directly in the eye and added, “And neither of you are going to breathe a word of what you saw to anyone else. Got it?”

Mels and Will got the picture pretty fast, and said their goodbyes and left. 

‘God-fucking-dammit,’ Sam thought. “This is going to be such a pain in the as- butt to explain tomorrow.” She brushed it off, and turned to her wife. “You ready to put Parker to bed, Abby?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Get your lazy ass off my bedroom floor, fucker,” Abby snapped as she walked into her room. 

“You kiss your wife with that mouth, doc?”

“Jason, Sam is going to take you back to the Manor and let Alfred deal with you. Now get out, you scared the shit out of Parker.” At this, Jason’s face flashed with a bit of guilt, and he pulled himself off the wooden floors. 

Passing his sister-in-law, he mumbled a quick “Sorry, Abbs” and left the room, stopping only to wish his nephew a quick farewell. Sam waited at the door for him, her face still flushed from yelling at the kids. “Ready to go, dummy?” 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Sam pulled on her leather jacket and tossed Jason his before making their way out of the apartment.

The set of twins walked throughout Gotham, trying to walk the three miles as fast as they could. “So,” Sam started. “A drug bust?” 

“No.” Jason didn’t want to talk about it.

“Jay,” She warned, stopping and turning to give him a look. “If you’re in trouble, then you can call me. I know you and Bruce are tense right now, but I don’t live far and you literally have me on speed dial.”

Jason chuckled at that, knowing that she was the one who set that up. “It was a lucky bastard that caught me in the shoulder. Just trying to impress my sister for fucks sakes,” he teased. Sam lightly shoved his shoulder and the two began walking towards the Manor. “Speaking of Bruce-”

“We aren’t even going to go there. Fuckin’ old man can’t take a fucking joke.” Jason laughed again. “What did you even do?” Sam turned bright red.

“I made a joke about his sexual escapades, sexcapades if you will, with a certain Boy Scout and the kinky adventures they get into. Anyways, long story short, I’m still uninvited to the Thanksgiving dinner. Although, Abby and Parker are still welcome.”

“Yes, the wife. How is she?”

“She just pulled a bullet out of a moron’s shoulder at almost midnight, I’d say she’s pretty tired.” The two turned another corner, and Wayne Manor was easily seen from atop a hill.”

“How’s your date- partner- friends with benefits- whatever you call yourselves?” 

“We’re good.”

Jason had another smart remark, though. “So, I heard Gotham’s favorite lesbian has a bunch of new children,” he quipped. Sam started choking on air.

“Dude, bro, you cannot just say that!” She yelled once she got under control. Jason only smirked in response. “Jason! What the fuck man!”

“So is it true?” He questioned as they two neared the gates of the Manor. Sam slid her keycard through the scanner by the gate and flipped him off. 

“Maybe, maybe not. I really don’t know much about the kids, despite the fact that they seem cheerful and mischievous, I know that they’re hiding a lot of emotional trauma behind all that. God knows you’ve done it. Or maybe i'm just imagining things and everything's fine. Who the hell knows. Night, Jason,” she said before turning away.

However Jason wasn't satisfied with her answer. “Woah, woah, woah,” he said grabbing her shoulder. “You can't just brush off something like that.” Jason paused and seemed to think for a moment. “Why don’t you come inside the manor and Alfred will get us some food and you can ask him. I know Tim misses you, and so does Dick.” Jason knew better than to bring up Damian to her, but she just smiled sadly.

“I’m gonna head on home now. I’ll come by tomorrow with Abbs and Parker,” she told him. “Night, asshole.”

“Good night, fucker.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was bright and early when Nightingale made her appearance in the Marduk Base, grumbling about ‘nosey wives and ‘children hyped up on pancakes’. She had only made it a few feet before she stumbled into a small figure blocking her path.“Oh, sorry” she started, before getting cut off by the aforementioned figure.

“How could you?” blurted Church- Uriel, who dramatically posed before her, looking almost betrayed. Nightingale stared at the fourteen year old before her, attempting to understand just what had caused the reaction.

“What are you-” she once again began, before suddenly being cut off.

“I trusted you!” Church spat out, “I thought you were some cool, badass, lone wolf! But now I find out you’re an everyday family man!”

“Family woman,” Will butted in from the sidelines.

Nightingale raised a brow at the pair’s antics, then, clearing her throat, she announced, “Well, sorry to shatter that image. Now, if you’re done dramatically monologuing, I do have business to attend to.”

“Hey!” shouted Ruby as she burst into the room, “Not so fast! You have some explaining to do.”

“Indeed,” commented Mels, who followed closely behind the redhead. Behind her appeared Olive and Laz, looking sly and board respectively.

“We thought you were our- uh,” paused Ruby, searching for the right words.

“Our sorta mom. Our Not Mom.” said Olive, seeing her sister struggle. Ruby nodded her head in agreement.

Will then continued the tirade, “Yet here you are, telling us you have a real family to go back to? A wife? A son? Did. You. Even. Think. To. Tell. Us. We. Had. A. Not. Brother.” He said, punctuating his sentences with accusatory jabs toward Nightingale.

“I don't actually care about what's going on, or what you do with your life, I’m just here to watch you get torn down,” said Laz, looking boredly at Nightingale.

‘God,’ Nightingale thought. ‘No wonder no one wants to babysit these assholes for me.’ She took a deep breath, then looked all of the kids in the eye. “Fine,” she began, “You want to know the truth? I have a wife and a child. Happy?”

“Not quite,” Church said, looking smugly at the older woman. “You made a mistake. You don’t have a child,” he paused for dramatic affect. “You have seven.” Nightingale laughed at that, knowing he was right and Jesus-Fucking-Christ, motherhood is a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, hope you enjoyed finding out about Sam being married. also Uriel gets called Church a lot in this fic, just because us, as the writers, call him by his last name.  
> thanks for reading, comment like whatever (god i feel like a shitty youtuber now)  
> ALSO I HAVE A PICTURE OF THE MARDUK CREW AND NIGHTINGALE!!!  
>   
> left from right we have Mels, Will, Laz, Sam, Olive, Ruby, and Uriel  
> -fiveswantsahug and The Violent Violet Haired Friend


	8. Marduk vs. the Homophobe and Bank Heist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we see the marduk crew breaking up a heist, a lot of gay puns, and impassioned speeches against homophobes. enjoy!

Nightingale slapped the giant folder onto the metal desk in the briefing room. “Alright, gays, it’s gay-me time.” 

Olive raised her hand and asked, “Is this the start to a bad porno?”

“Shut up, Olive.” Nightingale snapped, before motioning to the large screen behind her. “As you can see, it’s time for Marduk Crew to come out-”

“Are you ever going to shut up with the gay puns?” Church interrupted.

“Satan will be ice skating to work when that happens,” muttered Laz.

Mels spoke up, “Can all of you please shut the hell up so I can listen to the damn briefing?” She smiled sweetly, but behind that smile there was malice. So much malice.

“Thank you, dear,” Nightingale said. “Now for fuck’s sake, there is a goddamn giant ass heist going on in downtown Seattle, and it’s your job to go down there and kick some ass and save the day, got it?” She rushed out, hoping no one else would interrupt.

“Well, you know,” Olive began to draw out, “If _someone_ had a vision, this whole mess could’ve been avoided.” She was looking directly at Will by the end of her announcement, and Will started looking bitchily back at her.

“I’m not dealing with this,” Nightingale said, before pushing all of them out of the briefing room and to the zeta beam. “Good luck and so long,” she said waving them off. “Meet back in Gotham for an interview, I’ll be down there in two hours, Parker starts school today.” 

One by one, the Marduk children zeta’d off to battle, eagerly awaiting their fate. 

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

By the the time the six kids had arrived in Seattle, the heist was well underway, thanks to the work of the thieves. Unfortunately, they had been backed by gang members, so arresting everyone was not going to be as easy as they hoped.

“You know,” Ruby began, getting into position by one of the unguarded windows, “We’ve never actually been in a fight were we didn't just kill the enemy.”

Church paused as he got his battle axes out. “You’re right. Guess I really shouldn’t use the full force of these then,” He said as he looked down at the aforementioned axes somewhat disappointedly.

“So what's the plan,” Will butted in over the comms. “Go in flailing or….?”

Laz’s voice crackled to life through the comms, “Definitely not. They’ve got guns and hostages. We need the twins to go in first and subdue the thieves with hostages, get the guns away however you can.”

“That’ll probably alert the other thieves then, so Mels and I should take care of any going to check out the commotion,” Church added. “Then Laz and Will will take care of the ones taking shit, and we’ll regroup when we’ve got the hostages fully taken care of.”

Each member of Marduk affirmed the plan, and got into position to get into the bank. Just before entering, Laz spoke once more, “And for god’s sake, remember your goddamn hero names. Now it’s showtime.”

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

The breaking up of the heist had been going pretty well so far. Ruby and Olive, or rather Dash and Bolt respectively, had already taken out the thieves near the hostages, and disposed of all those weapons. 

While they united the hostages, Mels, Unit 9, was beating up a thieve who had attempted to get into the hostage room. Thankfully her strength was far more superior to his, and he was down in only a minute. Church, Unit 0, was similarly taking down another thief near the hostage room, although he didn't have Nine’s strength to help him. He was able to eventually take the thief down by stealing his gun, and pistol whipping him into submission, but not before Nine came over and smacked down another thief behind him.

It was really on Laz’s, Unit 13, and Will’s, Unit 1, end that things went screwy. They had, unfortunately, grossly underestimated the number of people that would be in the vault. So now they were pretty much screwed, seeing as the shield Thirteen was using, was only so big, and One could only dodge bullets for so long. Things were really tits up at the moment. So naturally it was the perfect time to argue.

“WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THERE WERE THIS MANY PEOPLE!” One shouted at his blue and grey clad teammate.

“WELL SORRY FOR NOT KNOWING? ISN’T PREDICTING THE FUTURE YOUR THING?” Thirteen shouted back, barley fighting off the crooks that surrounded him.

“GREAT! THIS IS MY FAULT! NOW WE’RE STUCK IN THIS BIG ASS VAULT WITH NOTHING BUT PAIN AND I MIGHT PASS OUT SOON!” One shouted out his grievances, his armour taking several hits. It was then that One’s words gave Thirteen an idea. 

“One, that’s it! Follow me,” He said throwing himself out of the ring of enemies and running toward the vault door. One followed closely behind, knocking over the few thieves that attempted to grab him as he escaped. Thirteen grabbed One and pushed him over to the vault door, getting the idea. One helped Thirteen push the door closed and seal it.

Once the door closed and locked behind them, One turned to his friend and began to question him, albeit a bit sarcastically. “So we sealed the thieves in a vault. Great! What about when we have to open it next?”

The taller looked to his companion, replying, “Banks this old don’t really have modern vaults with safety mechanisms. The reason you felt like you were gonna pass out was because there wasn't enough airflow into the vault, even with the door partially open. There are no vents, so in a few minutes these guys will pass out from air loss and then we can open this up and arrest them before they suffocate.” “Wow,” One said, genuinely surprised, “Your plan makes sense.” Thirteen smacked his older friend on the shoulder for the joke as they finished up their job.

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

As the police took care of the aftermath, Marduk zeta’d to Gotham for the interview that Nightingale had somehow set up. Several reporters from many different news outlets appeared, including Vicki Vale and Clark Kent- which made Nightingale laugh for some unknown reason at the sight of said reporters. As the kids looked out into the crowd of reporters, they saw many eager faces waiting to meet the new superheroes.

Zero pointed to one overzealous journalist, who looked like she was only just starting. “Excuse me, excuse me! Could you all introduce yourselves and tell us a little about yourselves!” She asked excitedly. Nightingale nodded as if to say that was an acceptable question.

Thirteen started off, “Oh right, uh, I’m Unit 13, leader of Alpha team. Umm, I’m good at being a human shield and controlling water.”

One was nudged by Thirteen to go next, his eyes light up as he confidently spoke, “I’m Unit 1, I’m the coolest, handsomest, and I’m single,” he said winking at the cameras. “I see the future and I fly.” Several people giggled at his attitude, before turning to focus on the next hero.

Mels stepped up next, “I’m Unit 9, Yes I have an accent, no its not fake. I manipulate time, and save these two from themselves most of the time.”

The mic then turned to Church, who to be quite honest, didn’t really seem to be paying attention. He seemed rather surprised to go next, but complied anyways. “Unit 0, I lead Beta team. I fly and throw battle axes. I occasionally do other super cool things.”

“I’m technically Unit 4,” Ruby said, stepping forward after her friends proclamation, “But most people know me as Dash. Bolt and I work with the Flash, and so Central City really gave us our names. I run fast and electrocute things” She paused a moment, thinking, then finished, “I guess that’s really it.”

“Unit 3, Bolt, whatever you want to call me,” Olive said after her sister. “I run fast and sometimes shoot things.”

After everyone had proclaimed their names and powers more questions came flooding in all about fighting crime and superhero business. It was near the end of the interview, when they began taking questions from some of Lexcorp’s reporters, that things got out of hand. 

“Excuse me,” shouted one reporter, snobbishly pushing the other reporters away. “How do you feel about your mentor, who is a known lesbian, teaching you about crime and sinning?” Immediately, all the children looked momentarily bewildered, before becoming defensive and angry.

Laz decided to take charge of this question. “What do you mean ‘how do I feel’? All of us support her. And she's not teaching us about crime and sinning, she’s teaching us how to protect ourselves and the people around us from harm.” 

The reporter continued, “So you don’t feel like she is harming you with her blatant homosexual tendencies?”

“Mate,” Mels began as she shook her head, “that would very hypocritical, considering none of us are straight.” The entire congregation of people rioted at the announcement and more and more people began shouting questions, some supportive and others defensive.

Will looked dead into the reporters camera as he started to speak, “Listen, you can riot about us all you want. You can go hide in your homes, trying to escape the ‘barrage of homosexuality’ or however you want to put it, but that won’t stop heroes from risking their lives to save people. No matter your gender, no matter your race, no matter your sexuality, we fight for the right of the citizens. Against villains wanting to destroy the city, or reporters for Lexcorp who want to disrupt the safety of other civilians.”

By the end of his speech, people were rioting even more, mostly with mixed results of approval and discontent. Nightingale, seeing the mess they had caused in only a matter of minutes, decided it was time to head back to the base. The JL was gonna have her ass for letting the kids call out reporters and insult Lexcorp. Nevertheless, she was proud of them. Although not as proud when she had to shove Church’s hand back under the table so no one could see the special gesture he had ready for them.

“Come on kids, let’s skedaddle. We’re gonna have our asses even more handed to us if we say anything else.” To the rest of the people, she announced, “No more questions, thank you!” 

~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~

Back at base, a few hours after the interview, the Crew were watching TV and scrolling through their phones, keeping track of the public's reaction to the newly formed team. “Hey looky here!” shouted Will. The others gathered around him to see what he had found. “We’ve already got a ‘Christian Moms Against Marduk’ facebook going! That was fast.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted in life,” Church said peering over his friends shoulder. Olive looked at him weirdly, asking “To have a web page dedicated to how much people hate you?”

“Yup.”

“Cool.”

Mels, laughing at her companions’ antics, called the group’s attention to the tv. “In other news, a new superhero group was announced today. The self proclaimed Marduk Crew, a group made up of teenage superheroes, had an interview in Gotham City, where they answered most of the questions asked. Many people on social media seem excited at the formation of a young hero team, and they seem to even have taken twitter by storm. Many tweets are coming out in approval of the group, the excitement doesn't just stop at twitter though. All of us are excited to see what this new group has in store.” As the voice of the announcer continued on, each member of the Crew felt enraptured with how well the public had taken to them. It was clear this was only the beginning of something great.


End file.
